Why Does My Ex Treat Me With Contempt

It doesn’t matter who ended the relationship or if there are still issues that unite them (for example, children), it is  very important to make an effort to get along. This seems impossible and you still wonder: why does my ex treat me with contempt? In this article we will try to answer that question.

Why does my ex treat me with contempt?

There are different ways to break up or end a relationship. Unfortunately, they are not always good and can lead to a lot of problems. If you think your ex hates or despises you, maybe you’re right, but it ‘s essential to know the reasons why he acts this way.

Contempt may be hiding other emotions or feelings that are obviously channeled in this way to avoid exposing themselves in front of a person who is no longer part of our lives. Among the main reasons your ex treats you badly are:

1. My ex treats me with contempt because he is suffering

We are not justifying his actions, but trying to understand why he does it. If, for example, you were responsible for the breakup (or whoever made the decision), your ex may be very hurt and so he reacts with hatred.

According to this study by the National Autonomous University of Mexico, there are different stages of grief after a breakup. Perhaps that justifies your resentment.

Of course, this attitude doesn’t solve anything – on the contrary –, but  that’s how people sometimes try to calm their pain. As with a wounded animal that tries to defend itself in the face of someone’s help, the same happens with your ex-partner: with his hatred he ‘hide’ how much he is suffering.

2. Because his pride is hurt

Nobody likes to be left because it hurts their ego. It’s a biological and evolutionary (but also a cultural) issue, and it’s probably not intended to do so. Maybe your ex treats you badly to preserve your pride and self-esteem… And that doesn’t show how he really feels!

It may be that, in addition to despising him, he also throws it in his face that the relationship didn’t work out because of him and not the responsibility of both (because a couple is a work of two people). This avoids “feeling inferior”, as this study carried out by the Pontifical University of Salamanca (Spain) points out.

3. Because everything is so recent

You just left him or ended the relationship. It’s understandable that he treats you badly! All feelings are on the surface and he may be confused or depressed.

Remember that even if he wants to come back to you, his pride won’t allow it. He will not kneel at your feet to ask for forgiveness. On the contrary, he will despise you.

Of course, nothing justifies mistreatment. If your ex is pushing the limits it’s better to back off or take more drastic measures.

My ex treats me with contempt: how to avoid him?

As a first step, it is important to identify and understand the reasons for this reaction. He probably doesn’t do it consciously, and he might regret it when he thinks about it. But of course you don’t have to put up with this situation and this offensive treatment.

1. Ignore

The smartest thing you can do in this case is to act like nothing happened. When faced with a bad response, respond with a smile or look away.

Don’t give importance to everything he says. Do not respond to attacks, offensive or negative comments. Little by little he will get tired of talking like that and will give up trying to bother you.

2. Show that you have overcome

It’s essential that your ex doesn’t know that their comments have a bad effect on you. Demonstrate that you are more emotionally mature and that you need to get over this breakup as soon as possible.

Do not ask the reason for this treatment or show your sadness. Unburden yourself with friends and family, who are the people who comfort and support us in the most difficult times.

3. Try to “make up”

If, for example, you  have children in common and must see each other often, a good way to resolve this situation is to speak openly but in private.

Tell him he is not behaving well, ask him why he despises you and  try to find the best solution so that, at least in front of the children, everything looks harmonious.

This doesn’t mean that you will be together again, but that you can have a friendly relationship, at least while your children are young and have no choice but to see each other once in a while.

4. Don’t get obsessed

Let him be, allow time to pass, and don’t give too much importance to his mistreatment. An angry person can say very hurtful things, but it’s up to us how we assimilate their words. Focus on something else, don’t continually think about it, put your energies into what is really worth it. Be an optimistic person, as this will benefit you in all areas, according to this study carried out by the University of Santiago de Chile.

If you give him space in your mind and heart, your abuse will have the effect your ex wants. Don’t give him that pleasure! At some point he’s going to realize that nothing he says has to do with you, but with himself. And don’t feel guilty: your ex-partner must get over the breakup and move on.

5. Do not pay in the same currency

When he offends you or makes an “unfortunate” comment, don’t make the mistake of responding in the same way. “Don’t add more fuel to the fire”, as the popular saying goes. It makes no sense to confront him, the only person harmed will be yourself.

Your responses can fan the flame even more and produce a great fire, the consequences of which can become serious. Be more cunning than him and don’t let even the ashes of your words remain.

In any case, if this affects you to the point of changing your daily life, look for a specialist or therapist to help you get back to your normal life.

It is not a weakness to seek out a psychologist or alternative therapies. This demonstrates how much you love and care for yourself, very important aspects for us to heal and get to know each other better.