The Empty Chair Syndrome

Empty chair syndrome refers to the feeling that arises after the loss of a special person, such as a family member, friend, or partner.

It can be confused with the sadness of losing someone, but it is called a syndrome because it is a set of symptoms that appear with special intensity at specific times, such as Christmas, a birthday or some special date.

In other words, this syndrome is called the empty chair because, just when you are surrounded by other people, the feeling of loss is heightened, and the person’s absence and empty seat become more noticeable. Below you will find more information about this syndrome and some tips that can help you overcome it.

mourning and the empty chair

The empty chair manifests when we remember the person who was here before and who is now no longer here. Its absence is felt mainly when we are surrounded by several people.

This feeling is closely related to the grieving process and is more common than you think, because, in view of the loss of someone, we go through a period in which we have to get used to living with this absence, going through a time of intense pain .

Grief can extend as long as necessary until we are able to deal with the loss and live life again without the sense of emptiness we feel in the moment right after this traumatic event.

Importantly, empty chair syndrome  can be felt even if the person in question has not died. In other words, this means that it can be transported to other situations, such as loneliness after the end of a relationship.

According to a publication by the newspaper El País in Spain, after a loss it is very normal and healthy for pain, anger, despair, loneliness and guilt to arise. These feelings are part of the normal process of letting go of grief, and each person often expresses them in different ways.

However, it is important to remember that if they are too intense or if we feel that we cannot control them, it is necessary to seek professional help.

What can help us to overcome this syndrome?

We often feel that sadness invades us in the absence of a loved one, especially in those festivities where it is more noticeable, such as Christmas, a birthday or any other special date.

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker, a psychologist and marriage and family counselor, suggests in a Psych Central publication that there are some recommendations we can follow in trying to overcome empty chair syndrome.

1. Allow yourself to feel

We all deal with loss and grief in different ways. That’s why it ‘s important to let our feelings out and not force ourselves to get better over a period of time.

In addition, it is also normal that during this period we feel like moving away from some people and events where the feeling of loneliness and emptiness can be even stronger.

2. take care of yourself

It is very likely that we are not keen to continue with our normal routine, but it is important to try to rest, sleep well and maintain a balanced diet. This can help us to be more aware of what we must do to handle the situation in the best way.

We recommend reading: How to overcome a loss?

3. Plan ahead

Especially in festivities, it’s convenient to plan and think through what’s best for our mood and choose what makes us feel best.

Therefore, the ideal is to think about whether staying will only make us feel the absence of that loved one even more or, on the contrary, being surrounded by people will help us not to miss them so much.

On the other hand, there are events that are planned in advance, and if you’re going to be hosting one, you might want to think twice if you’re going through a grieving process.

While there are people who like to occupy their minds with various activities, such as organizing events, there are others who find it stifling when they are going through difficult times.

4. Do things differently

Many people tend to spend their holidays in a similar way year after year. So it’s worth thinking about whether doing things a little differently or going to a new place can help us get out of the rut and cope with the absence of a loved one.

When to look for help?

Sometimes we tend to think that we can take it all and that if we don’t fix things ourselves, no one will. However, sometimes we need an extra boost to help us look ahead.

Although it is necessary to respect and accept the process we are going through, it is also good that we know how to interpret the signals from our body and mind when something is not right.

If we realize that a considerable amount of time has passed and that the feelings of sadness, nostalgia, hopelessness, among others, do not disappear or diminish, it is time to consult a specialist to find the necessary measures to overcome the grief.